Communication in Marriage

There are 3 ways we communicate with others: words, tone of voice, and non-verbal actions. What if our tone of voice doesn't match our words? What if our words don't match our body language? How do you know what is really being communicated? A study was done on what people tend to pay attention to the most:

Words - 14%
Tone - 35%
Non-Verbal - 51%
Total - 100%

How interesting that most people pay attention to tone of voice and non-verbal actions much more than they pay attention to words.

I believe that effectively communicating, especially in a marriage, takes practice. It is not something that comes naturally to us. We have to learn how to communicate.

Here are just a few tips we discussed in class:

• When a problem arises, don't place the blame on your spouse. Rather than saying "You need to fix this", you might trying saying "We need to work on this together." Tackle problems as a couple, and share responsibilities.
• Reverse your 'buts'. Rather than saying, "I love you, but you are making me frustrated", you might try saying "You are making me frustrated, but I love you." It places the emphasis on the positive, and communicates unconditional love.
• Remember to change how you communicate as you change your method of communication. For example, in e-mails and text messages, there is no tone of voice or non-verbal cues to rely on. Your words will say everything. Use punctuation, smiley faces, "please" and "thank you". Use whatever it takes to make the communication clear. And NEVER have important conversations through e-mail or texting. If a disagreement has arisen, always make the time to discuss it in person - face to face. 

There is a book called "Counseling With Our Councils" by M. Russell Ballard. Although it focuses on other types of council, the principles still remain, and can be applied to counseling within the family. 

Another good reference for how to counsel within the family - Ephesians 4:26-32

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth."